Sunday 18th December

Comets v Carshalton Athletic (League)

It was a cold and wet December day. Touched the ground in SW8. Except it wasn’t, it was cold as hell but quite clear and bright. Excitingly for all, this meant the season debut of the infamous shaggy bear coat. McGrumpy was looking like a pimp until the young innocent Wisconsin Girl decided to steal the fur. Much to coachy’s consternation, she looked better in the famous threads than he. Though to be fair it smothered her and with two little legs sticking out of the bottom it could have been all she was wearing.

We digress. As fascinating as Marilyn’s state of undress (particularly to Siiiiiiilvia given her relentless energy for these things) I think I’m supposed to be writing about the football. Feeling under pressure to spice it up after Hazel’s masterpiece last time. I suspect Hazel is cornering a niche as the ‘Private Eye’ of football reporting, while I’m very much aiming to become the Daily Star.

We digress. Again. Spirits were high before kick off and thankfully this actually translated to one of the performances of the season. All Comets were eventually clad in actual match kit (as opposed to the 14 fleecey layers or furthey kept on until 11.01) and we kicked off. I thought this Carshalton lot were supposed to be good? We controlled the game from the first minute to the last. It was a powerful midfield display from Whitney and Hazel that built us the platform, in combination with a very organised defensive display from Silvia, Rollo, Fiona, Luce and Kirst (who EXCELLED as fill-in goalie).

This meant we were in charge, and some incisive balls from the midfield kept releasing Ratty and Nicole down the flanks and Sonal and Marilyn through the middle. Marilyn was particularly tenacious and gave them a torrid torrid time. They couldn’t live with her twisting and turning or her aggression and that plus her goal plus the sxy fur modelling won her the Woman of Match award.

The opposition thought about being @rsy, Whitney growled at a couple of them and threatened to put a cap in their a$$, so they limited any further attitude to bickering constantly and pointlessly with each other. Their centre forward (almost) challenged Whit for F-Bombs.

We were in charge for the entire first half, scored once from a close range Ratty effort, but should have put 3 or 4 past them. Ratty had her full back in her pocket and gave her a torrid time, getting in behind repeatedly from Haze/Whitney through balls and delivering shots on target and dangerous crosses.

At half time Marilyn briefly reclaimed her new fur coat, McGrumpy employed some complicated tactical genius ('Errr Just Do The Same Thing') and Paola looked forlorn at her lack of action in the chilly December air. (Have heard that Siiiiilvia can help with anyone struggling with a lack of action?)

The second half was more of the same as we completely dominated possession and chances, with first Marilyn and then Marie scoring. (Siiiiiilvia didn’t score til later, on the couch). We could and should have scored a hatful and our profligacy in front of goal remains the only thing to take the edge of another quite BRILLIANT performance.

After the final whistle there was much back slapping before we retired first to the pub and then to McGrumpy’s to make fun of Siiiiiiiiiiiiiilvia’s naughty ways and Marilyn’s hilarious innocence. Several glasses of prosecco and an hilarious game of ‘how many footballers can you fit on a purple couch’ later, Arsenal lost to Man City, we watched The Blind Side, and Marilyn got scared of being sandwiched between Roe and Siiiiilvia and though sharing a love seat with McGrumpy was a safer option. Silly girl.

Coachy