Sunday 14th February

Hampstead "flukey 4" - Comets "1 but should have been 5" (League)

Webster’s match report No.3.

After discussions with Brett it appears my match reports get a high ranking on the google search engine so I’ve made sure to mention everyone’s name and associate it with something they definitely wouldn’t want a new employer/partner/parent to read, enjoy...

The start of the game was slightly delayed, this was fortunate as mine/Macra’s plan to get there for 11.02 turned into 11.22 and el Capitaino Sonaldinho was on our case immediately to "warm up", advice she didn’t take herself as she injured her groin in the first minute of the match - take a leaf out of Miss Meager’s book and warm your groin up the night before! Despite (apparently) not having a big Saturday night, Brett was her usual organised self...no match sheets, no membership numbers...I feel another fine coming on...FYI there will be a 2055% increase in membership fees this year.

The first 20 minutes were strange; we were playing well, people were running, talking, shooting and actually looking rather confident. But luckily after two on target shots by Sonaldinho and Webster which brought out some spectacular saves from Hampstead’s goalkeeper, the opposition scored 3 goals in as many minutes...phew the Comets were back to their old ways.

Despite this painful 3 minutes, the blonde at centre back, I think her name is Trish something (she hasn’t been to many matches for dog-related reasons) was looking strong and working well with Robinho to intercept Hampstead’s quick and skilful strike force. Ashley was having the game of her life, despite Hampstead using her body as a bit of target practice, she stood strong (albeit winded) and was exceptional at right back. Equally matched by the incredibly quick Nat - being the generous person I am, I thought to leave Nat to show off her skills in left back and play a tad higher - this worked well as Katie was linking up with Nat and providing some great balls to our strike force...Webster (self-appointed J), Sonaldinho and Katie.

Unfortunately Hampstead got a flukey goal from a lob which brought us to half time. Even though we were being 4-0 down, spirits were high. Sonal, against Marcus's wishes, gave some tactical chat and Trish provided some wise words, which sent us reinvigorated into the second half.

v Macra put lots of pressure on Hampstead’s left back, she reminded me of an old Chris Eagles with her trickery but I would like to protest against Macra’s nickname "Barn door", Marky is wrong, she doesn’t shoot off target...she doesn’t shoot. Sonaldinho, still clutching her groin, made some great runs - still hasn’t mastered diagonal but she can now run forwards and then sideways so almost there - well done Sonal, brown star for you. Susan meanwhile put pressure on Nikki for save of the season with a Jensenesque beautiful dive to the left corner to keep the Comets in contention.

Brett - who was likened to "Hulk, except she’s not green" (a compliment indeed!) - was unbelievable. Her explanation: the opposition "p*ssed her off". I’ve been p*ssing her off for years but she has never played like that. Eager Meager controlled the midfield, breaking at least 2 of the opposition before chinning one of their strikers in the last minute - clearly been taking lessons from Dixon. Sonaldinho finally decided to sub herself for the very cold Penny; Katie tactically suggested Webster play higher up the field and Penny go left wing - genius!

Striker Sal was on her usual top form and got a well deserved goal with a Wade Elliottesque corner that crept in the near post - Eager Meager earned her name by aggressively screaming "come on" and acting like it was the Burnley winner in the Championship play-off despite being 3 goals down and 10 minutes to go - optimistic was an understatement. In the closing minutes there was a "magnificent" shot by Webster (not sure who said that but Im sure someone did) which brought out an equally magnificent save from the Hampstead keeper, followed by another brilliant cross from Sal that landed at the feet of Penny who shot narrowly wide.

Overall we played brilliantly, there was some very impressive goalkeeping and the opposition coach and ref thought we were lovely - one of my favourite matches for the Comets.

Woman of the match: Eager Meager, closely followed by Sal.