Sunday 10th February

AFC Fulham v Comets (League)

It was a glorious sunny day in the beautiful back end of beyond. The Comets assembled casually and with little regard for time or schedule. We finally got together and changed into football kit and out onto the field, where Coachy revealed seven bright shiny new turquoise training footballs much to the delight of the ever-attentive and enthusiastic team.

Finally the game got underway against an understrength Fulham side. Our sense of fair play prevailed and we dutifully had half our team take a nap until the rest of theirs turned up. Trigger's shooting boots were most certainly asleep for much of the first half, though she did eventually convert one of her 427 chances. Despite our dominance all over the pitch our passing game was poor, our hoofed long balls unnecessary and our finishing woeful. We went in at half time 3-1 up, but it was a pretty turgid display relative to our own very high standards.

Half time brought the closest thing you'll probably ever get to teacup throwing and hairdryers from Coachy Coach Svennis McGrumpy. Having pointed out, ever so gently, that we should stop ar$ng about, get the ball down, and play properly, the mighty Comets responded in fine style. The ball was settled, the passing game improved, and the movement looked a million times better. A wonderful and awe inspiring display ensued and we properly put Fulham to the sword with seven second half goals.

Hazel (Woman of the Match) Mansfield pulled the strings in midfield and, having helped herself to a goal in the first half, continued to pull Fulham apart in the second. Cesc Fabregas could learn a thing or two. We took her off after an hour to let Fi Fi Ratty Ratters McRatcliffe have a go, and her fresh legs, pace and guile were devastating to a tiring opposition. She also helped herself to a goal from a long range drive, but mostly just ran at people and terrified them.

The second half brought champagne football of the highest order from all over the pitch. O'Neill helped herself to a glorious hat-trick, Sonaldinho finally found her shooting boots with a glorious volley on the turn for her second, Barn Door Webster timed her run for Big Al's corner perfectly and headed home in spectacular fashion, Zippy tormented down the left and then scored with a looping chip (otherwise known as a misdirected cross, but who's counting) and a hand ball in the box gave us a penalty which Gudrun converted with a thunderbolt.

We were rarely troubled at the back and but for a brief moment of madness at the end of the first half, would have kept a clean sheet. Nikki was largely bored and kept herself entertained by yelling at everyone else. We went with an aggressive formation with only three at the back, with Louise and Gudrun imperious and untroubled. For amusement value we ended up with a back line of Laura Louise and Sonal. Total football is back. Of course, Laura wouldn't even stay put when playing at centreback. Ashley marshalled the midfield perfectly, to be replaced late on by Suzanne 'Peggy Sue' Pegg for her debut. Zippy and Braggers McBragg were a constant torment down the left and Laura shared the woman of the match award for her forays down the right. Late on, Gudrun came out of the back line to further torment the opposition with some spectacular wing play.

And then there's Big Al. Despite wonderful approach play, lovely lay offs ,turns, flicks, crosses, corners and about 46 assists, she didn't manage to score a single goal. Bless her and her fabulous unselfish teamwork. Long live the mighty comets. Unbeaten in 2008.

Coachy